Stephanie brought us back at 8 and as usually I used the restroom before we began the ultra sound. Stephanie didn't waste time checking the measurements of our babies. She started with Baby A and told me the baby was measuring right at 9 weeks and then showed me how the baby was moving. We could see your little arms and legs wiggle and your heart fluttered. Then she moved over to Baby B and spent some time trying to get measurements. I sensed that something was wrong because she didn't turn the screen towards me as quickly as she had with the first baby. Then the worst words I could've heard came out. "Melissa, I can't find this babies heart beat." All I could think to say was "really?" She then flipped the screen and showed me the difference between both babies. Baby B was in fact measuring smaller and wasn't wiggling.
She told me that Baby B was measuring at 8 weeks and 1 day which means the baby stopped growing then. She wasn't able to get a heart beat, but informed me we would need to get a second opinion. I started to cry! I asked Justin for a tissue and she informed me it was okay to cry a loss is a loss she said. She let me get dressed while she made some calls to schedule us another ultrasound. When she came back in she told us we'd have to go to the imaging center to get another ultrasound. My appointment was at 9 am and that I needed to drink at least 32 oz. of water for a full bladder.
I cried the whole way to the lab Justin kept trying to consul me and told me it would be okay, that we would see our baby again someday. I knew he was right but all I could say was "I just want my baby back!" When we got there the receptionist informed me our appointment was actually at 10:15 not 9. I tried to keep calm and asked her what we should do, she told me to come back at 9:45 and we could check in. We got back in the car and I started bawling again. I was so frustrated, didn't they understand I just lost my baby and wanted it confirmed? We both sat in the car and cried, at this point I knew we needed to let our jobs know what was going on. Unfortunately I had left my phone at work so luckily Justin had my co worker Eric's number and I was able to text my boss Russ to let him know, Justin let Kim know and everyone gave their condolences.
By 9:45 we went in to check in, unfortunately the older gentleman that was before us was handicapped and had had an accident in the room with the ultrasound. That delayed us more than we thought it would. I started to cry while waiting and the receptionist sweetly asked me if I thought I would be okay enough to answer a few questions for insurance. I did my best to hold it together and she was great at distracting me with small talk. By the time we got in to see the tech it was already after 11 am. The tech wasn't allowed to give us any information which Stephanie warned me would happen. She did an intrauterine and over the belly ultrasound. Even though she couldn't tell me anything I didn't need to be a doctor to tell that my second baby did not have a heart beat. She had me get dressed and told me that she would talk to the radiologist to see if he was going to speak with us or if Dr. Conway was going to call. When she came back she informed me that she couldn't reach Dr. Conway so we left a message with her to call Justin's cell phone.
The drive home seemed longer than normal, I cried the majority of the drive home. I knew that we had lost our sweet miracle baby B and that was too much for me to handle at the time. When we got home my sister in laws had texted to check in and Ashley too. I informed them that it didn't go as well as we'd hoped and that we had more than likely lost the second baby. Everyone was so supportive, I ate a yogurt, some cheese and crackers and tried to nap while waiting for the call.
At 3 pm. we still hadn't heard anything so we decided to just pack and head down to Utah earlier than we had planned, our nephew Dillon was getting baptized tomorrow 8/6 and we were going to leave after work but decided to get there earlier. While we were driving we got a call at 5:30 from the clinic saying they still hadn't received results, she informed me that with them switching offices the fax machine may not have been working, but that she would call me as soon as they knew more. She told me again how sorry she was but to hang in there and that we had one miracle baby growing strong. That was good enough for me, I was starting to come to terms with the loss and concentrated on helping our baby grow. We are so grateful for our the love and support that we've received from those who knew about our twins. We will always remember that sweet angel baby and know that one day we will see him or her again. Until then please continue to keep growing our miracle baby.
We love you,
Mom and Dad
Aunt Ashley bought mommy these beautiful flowers after losing baby B.We sure love her!
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