So like I mentioned in my last post IVF is going to be a long process, part of the preliminary stuff was getting another semen analysis done and blood work. So let the needle hating begin early! Ha, I hear that I will get used to all of this but we'll see. The other part was talking to our plan of care coordinator and a financial planner.
January 15: Plan of Care Coordinator and Financial Consult
We had the opportunity to meet over the phone with both our coordinator and financial planner, both were there to help answer and questions and give us any information we needed. I remember waking up that morning thinking we'd have this phone call and then be scheduling our procedure for February. So I got up, got ready for work and headed out, all day I kept thinking about the phone calls. I was having a hard time concentrating, I worked that day from 8-1 and then headed home to eat with Justin before our first phone call. 15 minutes before the call my phone kept chiming the sound I set for when I received emails. I looked down and had 8 emails from the coordinator. I made the poor decision of reading them before she called me, I say poor because I instantly became overwhelmed.
Once she called me we started to go over everything, and again like the first Dr. visit everything started to blur together. There was a calendar that I was supposed to follow that listed out all my shots/meds I would need to take. That is where my nerves started, that calendar was crazy! But she assured me that everything would be fine and that I shouldn't look at it as a whole but day by day. She went over the shot class schedule and then sent me an email with a bunch of consent forms to fill out. We followed up with the questions we had and then it was time to talk to the financial planer.
I kept telling myself that this procedure couldn't be overly expensive, I mean I knew it wasn't as "cheap" as the IUI process. I wasn't really sure what to expect going into this call, well just like our coordinator phone call a few minutes before we had received emails. They contained a break down of the costs associated with our IVF procedure. When I saw the final number I was shocked! $16,000 dollars. Where were we going to come up with that kind of money?
People always say to you "no one is ever financially ready for kids." But seriously who is ever ready to hear that it will cost that much just to hopefully achieve that ultimate goal of parenthood? Not me that is for sure! So we talked with our financial planner and she was so calm and friendly. I now know she was that way not only because she is genuinely a caring person but I also believe that she was so calm in order to keep me from freaking out. I am grateful that she treated me like an individual and not just another patient who is struggling with infertility.
Two hours later our phone calls were done and I was over come with all kinds of emotions and thoughts. Two hours ago I felt like we were so close to ultimately achieving our goal and now I felt like we had just taken 20 huge steps back, it felt un-achievable once again. I remember sitting there and in my mind saying "just give up, there is no way you can do this." And then I started bawling, how could we afford this? In the call we were told of some companies who help with loans as well as grant options, but none of that sounded appealing right then. I didn't want to take out that kind of a loan on something we weren't guaranteed on, you know like a house loan or a car loan that you are guaranteed that you will take home the car or own that house....but IVF didn't give us that 100% guarantee that we wanted. Well have I mentioned how amazing my husband Justin is? If not well then here we go, he is AMAZING! He always knows what to do when I break down I am so lucky to have him. He held me and let me cry and express my frustrations. He told me that everything will be okay, and that we would be able to find a way to make this happen. So after my melt down we started to research.
Justin was a little tired after the first call...:)
There were so many different grants to look into, so many fundraisers that helped with IVF, most had application costs and also had no guarantee that we would receive the grant. So that to me was discouraging. During this process another co-worker and his wife that we knew in Nampa had been so kind in sharing their experience. They told us about a fund me type page called YouCaring that was set up for people to be able to fund their needs. Whether it was medical, funeral you name it they were able to create a page for assistance. When we researched that Justin and I ultimately felt like this was a good place to start.
January 18:
The rest of the weekend I kept feeling like we needed to talk to our Bishop, he's become a great friend to both Justin and I and I felt like we needed someone who wasn't family to listen to our thoughts and give us guidance. I remember getting ready for church and feeling a calming sensation as I thought to myself I will talk to the Bishop after sacrament to see if he had time to meet with us. We were going through a Ward change so this week we only had sacrament meeting, when that was over we were instructed that we were doing a linger longer meet and mingle to get to know the ward members. As soon as I found a free moment I asked the Bishop if we could talk to him today. While we mingled and I waited for Bishop to signal he was ready to break away to talk to us I socialized with a few ladies I knew in the ward. Side note the week before our doctor visit at a relief society activity I told a few sisters in my ward that we were looking into IVF. So they were talking to me about our appointment and a sweet lady who I've gotten to know in our ward told me that she had left over medications from their round of IVF and generously said she would let us have them. I had to keep myself from bawling right there. I thanked her and we scheduled a time to have her come by to drop them off.
Once the Bishop had a moment we went in and talked with him, I told him that we had decided to do IVF but that I personally was feeling very overwhelmed and frazzled by the decision. He asked if we felt this wasn't right and I explained that I felt it was the best step but that I felt we were so close to achieving our goal but once we got all the information I was feeling like we took major steps back and that it felt un-achievable. He gave us some guidance and told us how he had no doubt we would make amazing parents. I told him how kind one of the ward members was and how she generously would be giving us her left over medications which would help us. I hadn't had a chance to let Justin know this and he was so touched we both started to cry. Like I mentioned we have been so blessed with such amazing caring friends, family members and ultimately strangers during this journey. We were given blessings and I left feeling much better than I had that whole weekend.
Later that night we decided to start our YouCaring page and were amazed by the love and support in just 10 minutes of posting it to Facebook. I found out that night that people I knew were going through this and I had no idea, we had so many messages of love and support and had already raised close to $500 by the end of the night. My heart was so full of gratitude I had such a hard time falling asleep that night. If we haven't said it enough, Thank you! Thank you to everyone for the love, support, donations and prayers we love you all!
I took as screen shot of our page and will add a link as soon as I figure that out. :)
Blood work/tests:
So like I mentioned in the beginning of this post we were told there were a few preliminary things to get out of the way before we could do IVF. So we found a day that next week that worked best for both of us and decided we would go take care of the tests. I was so anxious because like I've said I really do no like needles and hate watching my blood get drawn. When we got to the hospital I remember feeling my heart rate accelerate as we waited for the worker to put us in the system. Seriously it felt like hours, but really it took maybe 10 minutes. Then we walked into the room where the nurses were waiting to assist us. She asked us who would like to go first and I told Justin that if I watched him go first I wouldn't be able to handle following him. :) She laughed and had me take a seat. I told her before she poked me that I don't do well with needles. She asked me if I was one to black out and I told her no I just get really scared. She was so sweet, she distracted me the whole time I had no clue that she had even stuck the needle in my arm. She asked us how we met and how long we had been married for. We talked about Justin being in the Pharmacy program and then she told us about herself. The next thing I know she told me I was done and to sit there for a few minutes before it was Justin's turn. What a relief I didn't get sick and I felt great! Once we were both done we headed over to the next test for Justin and then ended with Jamba Juice.
He's so brave!
I forgot to ask him to take my picture so this is afterwards
So now its just the waiting game, there are a few things we need to get before we start this process but all in all I am feeling much better about our decision. Oh we have an update, I know most of you have heard we're doing this in May but we had to change it to June due to Justin's finals schedule. I know there will always be stress and doubt but thankfully I have a loving husband, family. amazing friends and our Heavenly Father to help me through this. I often hear the words "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it" play over and over in my mind. As I ponder this trail we've been given I am grateful for it, yes you read that right I said I was grateful. I have been so blessed throughout my life as well as these last two months, I know that we have these trials for a reason and that in the end it will all be worth it!
We love you all and thank you again for the love and support
The Almonds!
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